Do you silently Tolerate? Try this instead

  • How to tell a friend or family member you don’t like their habit?
  • Do you have that know-it-all uncle who decides to share his wisdom on every aspect of your life?
  • Is your friend repeating and explaining everything to you for 20 minutes when you got it first time in 12 seconds?
  • Or that relative is forgetful, flaky and too laid back? Or she comes to you only when she needs something? Or he keeps hitting your self doubt nerve raw?

What do you do?

Do you try to politely excuse yourself from this scene? Do you put up with it? Tolerate?

If you answered to that, then remember tolerating is not an option. What you tolerate, just continues to be.

Tolerating is like trying to magically create a new option where it cannot exist. Tolerating is using a lot of energy in not taking an option and trying to stay in the middle ground. You will tire eventually and either give up or burst out in anger.

If tolerating is not an option, what is?

In my opinion, there are two positive options while relating to imperfections in people. 

1. Positive Acceptance: Acceptance means to truly believe that the person is fine as they are, warts and all. After all we are all imperfect versions of who we can be and taking that noble ground is a great option. It means you choose to look at the relationship beyond beyond just a few imperfect habits to the true bond you share. Acceptance helps you deal with life-changing obstacles. Accepting what is will give you the power to overcome the negative emotional effects. Acceptance is focusing on the underlying opportunities. Acceptance is to love the whole person including their irritating behaviours, idiosyncrasies and the long winding talks. 

Your capacity to love imperfect people will enrich you as a person.

Not able to do this? Try Option 2

2. Positive Influence: Sometimes, all that people require is the right amount of inspiration and motivation to change. Something that you say or do resonates with the other person. You can become that catalyst in positive transformation. Be honest. Be authentic. Be positive and show and show them the power of a changed habit. Show them how it could affect their lives. Show them how to do it. In the words of Stephen Covey, “When you show deep empathy toward others, their defensive energy goes down, and positive energy replaces it. That’s when you can get more creative in solving problems.” In all your attempts, remember to not judge or blame. And not tolerate.

Most importantly leave the decision as their choice. 

Your capacity to positively influence will enhance your relationships

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